When my husband and I got married I was still wrapping up my degree so quite busy between school, work and homework. He managed our home mostly and did all the cooking. After I graduated, we shared the duties around our home except for cooking. He made it look so easy and cooked a meal so incredibly fast that I let him handle it. I felt we were even because the other work around the house we split then I did the laundry and he did the cooking.
16 years have passed by and I still rarely to almost never cook. When my kids were little and played house they would disagree with other kids saying no dads do the cooking because in our house this is how it’s always been done. I know some women love to cook, others don’t. It’s not something I ever enjoyed and it has always felt like work.
The other day when my hubby and I got in a deep conversation about goals, things we want to accomplish, things we would like the other one to help with more he mentioned it would be nice if I cooked some. I truly believe he does enjoy cooking but he explained it gets old sometimes always thinking of what we are going to have for dinner. I’ve always appreciated his cooking and love whatever he makes because frankly I’m not a picky eater and if I didn’t have to make it, even better.
Sooo since one of my goals is to try and be the best wife and mom I can be I’d like to honor his request and try to join in the kitchen and cook some meals.
This is where I need your help. If you love to cook and have some crock pot meals, casseroles or really any quick and easy recipe you would love to share, I would love your help.
Taking time for each other and alone together is so important. Let me say my husband and I spent a lot of alone time together when we were first married and didn’t put too much thought into this before we became parents. Boy, does life change when the babies come. Not in a bad way but life becomes busy and your focus becomes your kids. Date nights are harder to schedule because you have to find a sitter. When our kids were little we spent time away from the kids but most of the time it was we were invited somewhere with our friends or family so we got a sitter and enjoyed a night out. What we weren’t good at is just taking time for us…just us two spending alone time together. And let’s face it our bedroom life slowed down as we had sleepless nights with the kiddos and when it came time for bed we were just plain worn out. And that was me more than my husband.
Guys – Don’t fall into our footsteps. Schedule a date. Take time for just you two. Schedule a trip/weekend get away and spend some time together. Now when I say those things, dating doesn’t have to be elaborate or even a whole weekend away. It can be an evening or just a few hours. A date at home works as well. Just keep your marriage going by spending some time together where it isn’t all about your kids. If you don’t want to pay a sitter, call your parents. Or trade babysitting services with some of your friends. You guys watch their kiddos so they can have a date night then vice versa.
I’m going to be honest here when I say it took seeing a few couples close to us get divorced for me to think that I better put more time and attention on my husband if I want my family to stay together. My focus now is my complete family…not just being the best mom I can be but also the best wife.
I will also add those years of needing a sitter will fly. My kids are now old enough to stay home by themselves and that makes dating your spouse so much easier.
I am very intentional now on spending time alone with my husband. We take lunch together every day. Some days we walk for the hour and some days we go eat together. We also take time for ourselves. Last Thursday we had a date night. We went out to eat then did a little clothes shopping together. Nothing over the top but it was an evening together by ourselves.
Another thing we like to do together that we recently started is listening to the Rise Together podcasts by Rachel and Dave Hollis. If you haven’t listened to them we love their podcasts for couples. If nothing else, listening to it together creates some interesting conversations. Last week’s podcasts made me and my husband write down our goals we have together, for our family and in our careers.
Today is Sunday! The start of a new week…schedule a date night. You won’t regret keeping your marriage alive and believe me, your kids will appreciate it more.
This was our previous weekend. Not quite exactly but pretty spot on. Saturday we did some cleaning that morning but when I say cleaning maybe 2 hours was spent working around the house. The rest of the day was spent having fun. Sunday we got up and my husband asked our teenage daughter to load the dishwasher and her response was first “why”. I love that question. 🙄 She quickly followed with “Well I hope no one asks me what I did this weekend because all I can say is I cleaned.” Wow. Anyone else amazed how quickly kids forget all the fun stuff we do???
Last weekend we were out of town doing fun stuff all weekend. She didn’t even give us a chance to say what fun we had planned that day.
What bothered me is her lack of memory and appreciation. Will I back off the chores or helping around our home? Heck no. She likes to tell me about her friends that don’t have chores or their family pays a house cleaner. I’m ok with that. Someday she will move out and she will know what work it takes to have a home, she will know how to do her laundry and cook a meal. And at the end of the day as a parent I only care about what goes on in our home, not her friends.
Isn’t that the truth? I think as parents there are many things once our kids are grown we will look back on with regret. We are only halfway through raising our kids and I know I already have some regrets.
To all the parents out there with newborns…hold those babies! You can’t spoil them. They grow and change so incredibly fast. Enjoy the baby stage…truly enjoy it even if you are tired and challenged in that stage. Enjoy every stage even if you think it won’t be your last time rocking the baby or feeding him/her. My biggest regret with my last baby is my husband and I had always talked about having a 3rd so I never treated him like he was my last. Not that I didn’t enjoy him but had I known he was my last baby I would have held him longer, rocked him more, breastfed him longer. You never know what’s in store for you even if you plan on more.
To all the parents raising elementary, middle or even high school (even though I’m not in that stage yet)…I feel like we are in an incredibly fun time. My kids are showing their true personalities and what fun! This age the kids seem to pick up devices, social media, etc. Limit the kids’ exposure and screen time! I feel like our phones are our biggest challenge now and stealing quality time with our kiddos and family. Live in the moment and spend time with those you are physically with….not the person on the other side of the screen. I personally try to not pick my phone up until my kids are in bed. I try. I know I check mine because of work or I need to respond to someone but my goal everyday is when I leave work for the day my time revolves around my family.
My challenge to you this week is put phone down. Also, limit your kids time on their devices or gaming (ugh this fornite hype is about to drive me bonkers). Pick up a board game and have a game night, go outside, play kickball or any sport…whatever it is spend quality time with your family.